My Life in the Fish Tank by Barbara Dee

Thanks to @kidlitexchange, @simonandschuster and @barbaradeebooks for a review copy of My Life in the Fish Tank - out now! Barbara Dee is killing it with her poignant middle-grade novels, so you won't want to miss this one.

Zinny is used to her home life being pretty wild since she has three siblings, but when her older brother, Gabriel, is in a car accident, things at home completely change. Gabriel is admitted to a hospital to get his bipolar disorder under control, and Zinny feels horrible that she told an adult about Gabriel's strange behaviors. But now her parents don't want Zinny to tell anyone about Gabriel, so Zinny doesn't know what to talk to her friends about. They keep talking about boys they have crushes on, but Zinny isn't interested in that. She loves science, so she starts spending her lunch period in the science lab with Ms. Molina, her favorite teacher. Zinny starts using science as her outlet, to help her stay as calm as she possibly can, considering both her family life AND social life are in shambles. Zinny just wants Gabriel to come home, for her parents to understand, and to make it into the summer science camp her teacher nominates her for; but all of that seems like too big of a miracle.

Barbara Dee also wrote "Maybe He Just Likes You", about a middle-grade girl not liking the male attention she is getting. That book handled this age and this struggle so realistically, and "My Life in the Fish Tank" is written with that same level of reliability. Tackling the tough issues of mental health, family relationships, and changing friendships, this is a must-read for any middle-grade reader (and up!).

The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling by Wai Chim

Thanks to @kidlitexchange and @scholasticinc for sharing an ARC of The Surprising Power of a Good Dumpling by @onewpc. This book is out November 10, 2020; add it to your list now so you don’t forget to grab a copy!

Anna is used to being in charge of everything; as the oldest sister, she naturally takes care of her younger brother and sister. Her dad works long hours at his restaurant, often spending the night in his office, so Anna also cooks dinner and makes sure her siblings do their homework. She even picks her little brother up from school. Anna does all this because her mother can’t - or won’t - Anna’s not entirely sure which. She just knows her mom stays in bed most of the time, and if she’s not in bed, she’s yelling at Anna for being a horrible daughter. Anna knows there’s some sort of mental illness making her mom unable to perform everyday tasks, but she doesn’t know what it is, or how to get help. She tries to lose herself in working in her father’s restaurant, where she loves to help cook… and watch Rory, the cute new delivery boy. As she gets to know Rory, Anna realizes that everyone has some sort of problem, and maybe she should ask for help with her mother. But that task seems impossible, until something happens that forces the family to take action.

This is a powerful book about mental illness and how it might be addressed and handled. I liked how Anna’s mother’s condition was discussed, but wished there was more about Rory - his illness fell a little flat for me, and I wish it had been explored more. I think it would help teens a lot more to see Anna not only dealing with her mother, but with a friend’s situation as well. Besides that, it was an interesting read, touching on typical YA tropes in a unique way and deftly balancing mental illness.

The Bridge by Bill Konigsberg

Thanks to @kidlitexchange and @scholasticinc for sharing an ARC of @bkonigsberg's The Bridge, which is out TODAY, so go ahead and grab your copy!

Aaron and Tillie "meet" when they lock eyes on the George Washington Bridge. Both teens are straddling the guardrail, ready to jump. The story is told in four different ways: Tillie jumps and Aaron doesn't, Aaron jumps and Tillie doesn't, they both jump, and neither jump. Each option is realistically fleshed out, showing how everyone even remotely involved with the teen reacted to the news.

This book is so heavy, so real, and so necessary. I hope it gets into as many hands as possible. I think showing the finality of suicide, and the reality of how it impacts others is so important. Teens (and honestly probably any age) need to see this, and it's even more powerful coming from someone who has been there. (Konigsberg has a moving explanation at the beginning of the book.) This is a hard read, depending on your mental state - aka hard for me during the pandemic, but this is probably a very crucial time for it to be read! I can't recommend this enough, and hope you recommend it to anyone you know who might be struggling, or who might need it to help those around them.

This Is My Brain in Love by I. W. Gregorio

Thanks to KidLitExchange and Little Brown Young Readers  for sharing This Is My Brain in Love by I.W. Gregorio. This book will be released April 14, 2020, so get excited! This is one you won't want to miss.

Jocelyn Wu has always helped out in A-Plus Chinese Garden, her family's restaurant. She and her little brother help cook, serve, clean up, roll silverware, and more - all while juggling their schoolwork and social life. Well, at least now Jos has a social life. It took her awhile to make friends in her small, homogeneous town, but now she has a best friend, Priya, and they spend all their free time making movies. When news breaks that the family's business is failing, Jos begs her dad to let her help revive the restaurant. She's determined to build a social media presence and bring in more customers. Her dad grudgingly agrees, and even lets Jos hire an intern.

Enter Will, a journalist-in-the-making who needs a summer job. He doesn't know what to expect, but he's good at coding, so Jos immediately hires him for the restaurant. Will has to push past his anxiety to help the business, but he doesn't mind, because he's finding he likes Jos as more than just a coworker. The more they work together, the more Will notices that Jos seems to have some mental hindrances. He tactfully tries to express his concerns, but even though she knows something is wrong, too, Jocelyn isn't receptive. She can't afford to admit defeat on any front - not with her family's livelihood and her budding social life at stake.

This Is My Brain in Love is told in two distinct voices. Will and Jocelyn are relatable and honest, and the way they talk about mental health is needed. The storylines are interesting and engaging while still being realistic - there aren't unrealistically high stakes or a glossed-over happy ending. But mental health is handled in a way where readers will understand the story and develop empathy, or they will see themselves in the characters and know what steps can be taken to get help - and that it's ok to want and need that help. 

I.W. Gregorio is a founding member of We Need Diverse Books and has previously published None of the Above, which is another must-read!

Furious Thing by Jenny Downham

Lex and her mother used to be close. The banded together and made the most of what they had, which wasn’t much. Until John came along. John was rich and said he loved Lex’s mom, “even though” she had a child. John himself had an older son with his wife, whom he eventually left for Lex’s mom, but not before playing a bunch of headgames. The games don’t stop once John proposes to Lex’s mom, years after they started their affair. The two even have a 6 year old daughter together, whom John dotes on. But John can hardly stand Lex, and he doesn’t hide his feelings. He treats her more like he treats her mother, the woman he is supposed to love. His abuse isn’t physical, but he lies, twists his words, withholds his affection, and is hot and cold. He starts gaslighting Lex to the extent her teachers agree she is unstable and needs medication. But Lex just wants them to see who John truly is, instead of seeing the successful architect, the brave man who took on a poor woman and her angry daughter.

This book made me angry in many ways - not because of the writing or the plot, but how realistic it was and how unfair it all is. I thought John was very realistic and his type of abuse needs to be brought to light as much as possible so people, especially teen girls who will be reading this book, are aware of the possibilities. I do hope books like this continue to be written for YA audiences so they are informed.

That being said, I  wish some of the storyline was a little clearer so the important aspects could stand out more. BEWARE OF LIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU INTEND TO READ THIS BOOK! Lex most often acted out in anger when John was arguing with her mom, so I thought it was because she was trying to get his attention away from her mother. But she acted out a time or two in school, so maybe it wasn’t that. And if it wasn’t, that’s fine, but I was unsure about why she acted out. (Please note that statement is extremely generalized - I realize mental illness was part of this story, and Downham did a wonderful job explaining how ADHD can present differently in females.) I know it could just be something mentally making Lex act that way, but the pattern almost made it seem like she was sticking up for her mom, so it was a little misleading. Then she started on medication and seemed ok? Or was she just tired of fighting? That was unclear to me as well. And the relatively happy ending didn’t sit too well for me, because the anger from earlier in the book seemed abruptly gone, even though John was still in the picture (though apparently “harmless” now?), and Lex was off medication, so I’m unsure about how that ending came about.

What Was the Great Depression?

It's taken me a long time to write about this because I waffle about social media and this blog so much. I can never decide if this space is personal or professional, but there is a point when those two intersect, and I think it is important for me to share my experience.

Social media is too often focused on looking your best, sounding your best, always coming across as the happiest, most satisfied person ever. That's fine - who wants to read negative stuff on blogs and social media when the news spreads that information for us? I also admit there is a difference between trying to make the best of a situation and trying to act like it is perfect - and I struggle with that regarding what and how to share on social media.

This blog was my happy place when I was a library science student, reading and reviewing books for a class, envisioning how I would put my degree to work once I graduated. A job opportunity came up before I was finished with my last semester, and I took it, even though it started immediately and meant I had to find last minute child care for my two year old son, and juggle two classes (one of which was CATALOGING, wow!), an internship, and a sign language class (for my personal interest) while learning a new position. I should have said no, but I was so worried that it would be my only opportunity. I should have said no because I was not offered the job I applied for, but one the system thought I would be better suited for. My coursework still applied, so I thought it would be ok. I made the best of it in real life (and genuinely enjoyed it for a long time) and acted like it was the perfect fit on social media.

Personally, having my young son in someone else's care full time really ate at me. I know you do what you have to do, and I was lucky to have had so much time with him in the first two years. But I had always planned to stay home with him, at least part time, until he started school. But I felt so strongly that I had to take the job that was offered to me. Eventually it wore me down, especially when the system expanded their hours, meaning I was working a handful of nights and weekends every month. Other aspects had changed enough to make me not enjoy the job as much as I wanted, and it all led to me taking a different job that helped the family most.

Another position came up, and due to some family changes over the summer, I thought taking that job would be best. This job sounded good on paper, but in reality different things were expected of me, with limited time to complete them, and no support from administration - even after repeatedly asking for it. I was still working nights and weekends, except now I was at home churning out lesson plans. Lesson plans that met the standards the system required, but students didn't appreciate or care about. That's not how I wanted to be a librarian. I won't even dip into my thoughts on public schools and instead direct your attention to the image at the top of this post. The Jeopardy clue that is the answer for would be "Allison's time working in the public school system." But online, when I posted (SO RARE, if you look back over this blog and its instagram) I pretended all was fine.

Until I couldn't pretend anymore. I'm not trying to drag those jobs over the coals and rip them to shreds for being unfair or awful. They were just awful for me. I think it is so important to have a job that you love, that you are passionate about, that makes you feel fulfilled. You don't have to work all the time, or talk about your job all the time, or think you are changing the world. It just has to make you feel good, in whatever way you want. If that means working retail 20 hours a week so you have time for something else, fine! If you want to work 60 hours as a lawyer, that's fine too! It's all individualized, and that is important to remember.

I'm saying that for myself as much as anyone. I kept feeling pushed to take a job just because it was offered to me. I wish there was a trial period to transition to a new job, because it definitely would have influenced me with at least one of those jobs. I feel like it would have helped my happiness so much - to know exactly what I was getting into before committing. Before feeling like a failure for leaving. Before feeling dumb and aimless for taking and leaving X jobs in X years. And maybe it is irresponsible, or not how someone else would do it. But I value my happiness over almost everything else (wow does that sound selfish!). I know that if I am not happy, everything else in my life will suffer. I am lucky - no, I need to stop phrasing it that way, as if it just so happened to work out that way. I have worked hard since my early teenage years as a babysitter, and I have saved money so I have a buffer. Gone are the days of someone retiring from the same company that hired them straight out of school. Gone are the days of companies keeping someone for that long and rewarding them for their loyalty - so many companies here have been "downsizing" once the bulk of their employees are a certain age, just casting them out and making it so hard to find a new position at their older ages.

But I digress. It has always been important for me to feel happy at my job. Not consumed by it, not overwhelmed by it, not stretched thin by its demands. But balanced. And I know this means your personal life has to be satisfying too, and that was definitely a problem I was struggling with as a new mom and newlywed, so this period in my life wasn't all job-centered.

I want to feel like I am making a difference on a more individual level. I don't care if the public school system gets more money from the state because I am helping them hit their numbers. I care that the students who came to me learned something from me - however minor that may be. I hated that students would see me in public and greet me, and I thought of them as strangers. I didn't know their names or what grade they were in because I was seeing 860+ kids every two weeks, and connecting with none of them. I don't care if I get do implement all of my creative ideas in my job. I care that those in management want to hear those ideas and value me for coming up with them. And I think I've found that job. But more on that later.

I just wanted to share all of this in the name of transparency, to not get too personal and not call out any systems in particular, but to say that it's not always real online, and it's ok to get real and not be happy pretty posed instagram shots all the time. And to thank everyone who has been there for me - some online since the start of this blog, some on instagram even though I haven't posted regularly in too long, some in person from one job or another, some who have always been there. And now I click "Publish" before I overthink it because... why not?